


Ranma's Island

by Wayens



Series: Ranma's Island [1]
Category: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Fanfiction, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-13
Updated: 2012-05-13
Packaged: 2017-11-05 06:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/403632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayens/pseuds/Wayens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ranma gets drafted into crew duty on the SS Tendo and shipwrecks with the Professor and Ukyo-chan. Sound familiar? Original concept initialized by Richard Lawson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Survey of Note

Ranma deftly tied the lines, then stepped back to better let others up the gangplank. Why Pops thought that working on a ship would make him a better martial artist was beyond him. Ranma suspected it had more to do with spending time lounging on the resort beaches than anything else.

Not like the lazy bum was here to help out now. Why the old man refused to go on this trip was still beyond Ranma's comprehension. The trip wasn't supposed to be any longer than any of the others they've served on in the past six weeks. If he didn't know better, Ranma would have thought old Pops was getting seasick. He smiled evilly at the flight of fancy. That would pay him back for all the years Ranma had to spend in training away from his mother. Ranma wondered if his mother would even still recognize her own son. Thank goodness old Pops didn't subjugate him to anything like throwing him into a pit of frenzied cats.

Ranma pulled the line taut - ensuring that the knot holding the boat to the docks stayed tight - and stepped aside as a tall man with glasses and a friendly smile approached. "Greetings. Are we ready to get underway?"

Ranma nodded. "Yes, sir, if you'd just get on board."

"No need to call me 'sir', my good man. My professorship already subjects me to enough of that formality. The name's Tofu. Tofu Ono."

Ranma smiled and shook his proffered hand. "Great to meet you. Here on vacation?"

"Yes. I've been teaching too long at the university without a break. This seemed like the ideal time." He looked down the pier at another couple approaching. The man, tall, handsome, and debonair, the woman, small, lithe, and flirtatious. Different in stature but both sporting the same porcelain statuesque face found only on Renaissance portraits. "Who are they?" Tofu asked.

Ranma looked, too. "Oh, them." Ranma rolled his eyes. "The Kunos. Lord Tatewaki and Lady Kodachi. Heirs to Kuno Enterprises, the leading producer of kendo blades and accessories this face of Tokyo."

The tall man smiled condescendingly down at the crewman and professor and cocked his arm towards the woman. The lithe woman took the proffered arm with flair and walked up the gangplank, twirling what looked like a gymnastic ribbon behind her.

Tofu and Ranma stared after the boarding couple.

Tofu frowned. "They look like siblings, but they act like a married couple. Which are they?"

Ranma shrugged. "Dunno. They're real rich, though, so I suppose they could be anything they'd want to be."

Suddenly Tofu stiffened. Ranma watched as his glasses fogged up. "Is... is that who I think it is?" Tofu stammered.

Ranma followed his gaze and chuckled. "Yeah. It is."

The woman moved down the pier with elegant grace. She was dressed in an expensive yet understated dress. Her friendly smile and twinkling eyes seemed almost out of place on her.

"Th... that's..."

"Yeah," Ranma said mischievously. "Lead singer of a five-person band, voice actress in several movies, star of her own cooking show, the one and only-"

"Please," she said in a pleasant voice as she approached. "Just call me Kasumi. It'll be easier that way."

"Uh, sure!" Tofu reached out to shake Ranma's hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Kasumi! I've read all your cookbooks and distinctly admire your forays into healthful fast food recipes. The sheer paradox is just so refreshing, and just what the modern youth need for a healthier, faster, foodier future."

"Indeed, kind sir, I'm-"

"No, no, call me Tofu!" exclaimed Professor Ono, still furiously shaking Ranma's hand.

"Oh my," the star smiled at the starstruck and laid an arm on Tofu to steady him. "My dear Tofu, of course, I'm honored by your support. Why don't we continue our chat up on the ship."

"Oh, of course, Kasumi, milady." Tofu bowed over the water and gestured back down the docks. "After you."

Ranma and Kasumi smiled at each other. She turned and walked up the gangplank. Tofu released Ranma's hand and began to walk back down the pier until Ranma grabbed his shoulders and pushed him in the right direction. Tofu managed to make it on board without falling into the ocean, although there were a couple of close calls.

The sound of running feet turned his attention back to the pier. A young woman was running up. She had long black hair tied in two ponytails. She had to be about his age, and she looked awfully cute. She screeched to a halt in front of him. "Am..." she paused a moment to catch her breath. "Am I too late?"

"Nah. Just in time. Um, you must be..."

"Ukyo." She smiled. "Okonomikyaki is my specialty, be sure to stop by my stand when the cruise is over... I'll give you one for free."

He grinned. Free food was always good, especially with this kind of companionship. "Okay. Taking a break right now?"

"Yes!" She spread her arms wide and looked at the sky. "It's too beautiful a day to be spending it all inside!"

Ranma looked up, frowning slightly. It was beautiful right now, but the wind was blowing strongly, which meant the weather could change in a moment's notice. He decided not to spoil her mood, however. "Great! Just get on board, we're leaving."

She beamed at him, then ran up the gangway.

Ranma untied the ship from the dock, then jumped on board. He approached the wheel where the Captain was standing. The smile drained away from his face as he did. The Captain was a tyrant. She came from a long line of ship captains, and was carrying on in her family's name. Evidently her father had had a nervous breakdown a few years ago, and she'd worked furiously hard to assume his position. She was still a little unsure of herself, however, and it manifested itself in bouts of irrational anger, usually directed at Ranma.

She glared at him. "Are they all aboard?"

He nodded. "Yes, Akane."

"You will call me Captain!" She hit him over the head with a belaying pin.

Ranma growled, and vowed never to call her Captain. "Yeah, whatever."

"Are you sure about the passengers?" A bit of uncertainty crept into her voice.

Ranma ticked them off with his fingers. "The millionaire. His wife... er, sister... er, whatever. The movie star. The professor... and...," for some reason he decided not to mention Ukyo right at the moment, "...and the rest."

Akane nodded decisively. "Okay! Let's go, and make sure there are no problems, understand?"

For some reason, the look of determination mixed with fear on her face touched Ranma. He smiled and lightly grasped her shoulder. "Relax, Skipper. It's only a three-hour cruise."

*****************

 

Ranma's Island  
by Wayens  
based on prologue and concept initialized by Richard Lawson  
Ranma and characters owned by Rumiko Takahashi and Shogagukan Comics

 

*****************

Shampoo tell of handsome man  
Along on boat that bobs.  
And 'cross the big blue water he did try to earn a job.  
Captain was a cruel tomboy  
That tries to captain ship,  
And crew and guest were all perplexed  
At why she such a dip.  
For three-hour dip.

Big Storm God blew the boat to ground  
Upon our tribal land,  
With Ranma hunk,  
A cruel tomboy,  
A millun-air and his sib,  
A tee-vee star,  
The Professor and Ukyo-chan,  
All on Ranma's Isle.

*****************

"Ranma, you idiot!"

"Me!"

"Well, you had to be flirting with that new girl when you were supposed to be watching the sails."

"She came after me! I was minding my own business!"

"Which you should have been doing!"

"Oh my, what should I be cooking for supper?"

Everybody turned to stare at the actress.

"What?"

"Oh, it doesn't look like we'll be going anyplace for awhile, considering the time of day and the state of our ship," Kasumi stated matter-of-factly. "I thought we should think about what we should eat."

"I'll help, Kasumi-san!" Tofu offered and promptly tripped over the cooler, spilling its contents all over the island sand.

Kasumi laughed good-naturedly and helped Tofu uncork his head from a jar of mayonaisse, while the rest of the guests and crew looked on as their already meager supplies became more meager.

"I think most of the pickles can be salvaged," observed Ukyo, dusting off the knocked open pickle jar, "if you don't mind some grit." She looked over at Akane. "I'm sure between Kasumi and me we can cook up something."

"Good." Akane nodded. "Now all we need is to pull up some tarpaulin for shelter and some wood for tent poles and a fire. The ship's cabin is not going to hold all of us and the chance of rain in these tropics is too high to risk sleeping in the open. Professor Tofu, join Kasum-"

Tofu's glasses fogged over.

"Um, why don't you join Mr. Kuno in gathering some feasible tent poles and firewood?" Tofu's glasses unfogged and he strode off determinedly though a bit dejectedly. Akane sighed in relief at the averted disaster.

"Kodachi, you join Kasumi and Ukyo in preparing dinner." Kodachi's chuckles echoed across the sands. Gives me the creeps, thought Akane. "Everybody clear? Alright, let's do it!" Akane turned to Ranma. "Ranma, you and I will-"

"I'm going to scout the area," said Ranma to no one in particular and vaulted up to the nearest palm tree. Akane glared at Ranma's retreating form, but could not deny the wisdom of his actions. It would be beneficial to have a lay of the land before the sun sets completely. Though Ranma didn't have to be so abrupt about it.

Ranma surveyed the landscape. The island was a small one, filled with palm trees bearing large coconuts. Ranma had a feeling, by the time they got off this isle, that they would all be sick of the hairy fruit.

Ranma felt small in this land. The island though not large in itself was totally unfamiliar to Ranma and that was where the danger lay. A martial artist, no matter how good, is at a disadvantage if he did not know anything of his own surroundings.

In the fading orange light of the setting sun, Ranma could make out a few acreage of forest with beach on the edge and one large clearing in the middle. The reflection indicated a water source. At least the party would not have to worry about fresh water.

A rustle in a nearby tree startled him, and Ranma turned to see the nearby palm fronds moving as if swayed by the wind. Except there was no wind.

"Ranma! Dinnertime!"

Stomach took over caution and - with one last glance at the horizon - Ranma jumped back down to camp, never noticing the watching figure on the tree adjoining his.

 

*****************

 

"Ohhhhh..." Ranma's stomach ached like no tomorrow.

Everybody's stomachs were aching.

Dinner, in short, had been a disaster. Besides the flirtations between the Kunos and the bunglings of Tofu whenever he was near Kasumi, the food turned out to be spoiled. Kasumi had apologized profusely, not understanding how it could have been bad, having checked the state of the food herself before cooking.

Kodachi was clutching her stomach and chuckling madly to herself. The food must have knocked her for more of a loop than her normal wackiness.

Ranma tried counting okonomiyaki to lull himself to sleep, but thinking of food only made him think of dinner and his aching stomach even more.

"Ohhhhh," he groaned, clutching his own belly, and turned around on his already rumpled blankets.

And stared into two wide gleaming eyes.

With a choked yelp, Ranma jumped and landed in a classic defensive stance, ready for battle.

"Stand down, Ranma. My stomach's in no mood for yellow meat."

Ranma blushed furiously, "And who says I'm yeller, Captain Tendo Crusoe?"

Akane stiffened but decided not to respect the barb with a comeback.

Instead she stood up from her seated position (so as not to be lower than her subordinate) and got down to business. "Ranma, I want you and Tofu to survey the island tomorrow. Your suggestion of gaining the lay of the land was a good one and I think we should map the island for food sources and danger areas to ensure our better survival."

Ranma rolled his eyes at Akane's captainly speech but replied, "Sure, Akane."

Akane glared. "When you address me, you say 'Aye, aye, Captain.'"

"Sure thing, Cap." And Ranma shot Akane an impish grin.

Akane blushed. "Don't get fresh with me, Private. I AM your superior, after all. Best to remember that."

Ranma's face darkened noticeably, which was a feat on this moonless night. "I always do."

Sensing Ranma's sudden dark mood, Akane backed away a bit and stammered, "Well, um, godspeed, Private. I'll go notify Tofu and make arrangements for ... er ... mapping material."

Ranma collapsed back onto his makeshift cot and brooded.

Akane was always so touchy. No sense of humor at all. She then always had to go and rely on her rank, which pissed Ranma off to no end. So what if she was captain and his superior? She's still human and Ranma never recognized rank when he'd rather be- Rather be- Friends? Ranma shook his head to stop his thoughts from going further in a direction he was not eager to explore.

"baka" Ranma mumbled.

 

*****************

 

"So, where to first, Ranma?"

Tofu was dressed simply in his professorial outfit. A pair of clip-on shades perched on his glasses and he had somehow fashioned a wide-brimmed hat out of palm fronds, which served to hold off the sun from his unprotected noggin.

"I thought we'd first check out the clearing I saw from the treetop last evening. It seemed to be a lake area, perfect source for fresh water."

Tofu agreed and they were off.

Ranma breathed in the sweet air of morning. He rarely got to enjoy the early morning air, always rather waking up at noon. But CAPTAIN Akane insisted.

The earlier we can scout the area, the earlier we can ensure survival and then work on getting people to rescue us.

Ranma had bristled at Akane's almost bossy attitude but had to agree with her. The radio had been shot by the crash and there were no other boats in sight offland. So they had to persevere until help may be found, wherever it may be.

The trek to the clearing turned out to be quite short, even with Tofu's "interesting" anecdotes on the native flora and fauna.

What awaited them at the clearing, however, even stopped Tofu's stream of wisdom.

Pools. Hundreds of pools dotting the whole clearing, sparkling under the rising sun.

Ranma raced toward the pools, leaving Tofu behind, eager for some fresh water after his "long" trek.

Tofu adjusted his glasses. "Ranma, I don't think that pool is a good source of drinking water. These native signs seem to indicate that there's a peculiar curse associated with-"

[SPLASH!]

Ranma came up sputtering. "What the heck!"

"... transformations..." Tofu trailed off with a whisper and stared at Ranma, google-eyed.

"What are YOU looking at?" Ranma shot at him, annoyed at being soaked and water-logged. He suddenly felt so top-heavy that it was hard for him to move.

Ranma laboriously brought himself back on land and stared at Professor Tofu with further annoyance, bordering on anger. "Professor, what is wrong with you? I almost drowned and you," he jabbed Tofu's chest for emphasis, "didn't even lift a finger!"

Finger. What happened to his finger? Instead of the rough, work- and training-hardened hands, his hands were now thin and almost refined with long nails to match. Ranma blew aside a strand of overhanging hair to get a better look and stared at the dripping red curl. Red? His hair was black! A grab and look at his braid confirmed the color and a look back at the pool showed no evidence of red dye.

And his chest. Ranma pulled open his shirt at the neck and slowly looked down and jerked his head back up, his whole body now shuddering.

"As I was saying," Professor Tofu noted, "the signs indicate a curse on whomever falls into it. Each pool is imbued with the essence of the last being who drowned in it. You, Ranma, were fortunate enough to have landed in the Pool of Drowned Girl."

"Fortunate? How could you call THIS fortunate?" Ranma felt a jolt in his new growths that bordered disturbingly on pleasure and quickly removed his hands.

"You are still human, are you not?" Tofu stated matter-of-factly. "So, your limitations are few. At least you did not fall into, say, the Pool of Drowned Piglet here."

Ranma groaned. "How could this get any worse?"

WHOOSH!

A spear missed Ranma's foot by centimeters as a figure made itself known in the trees. It jumped down to reveal itself as a sinewy-figured woman with - of all things - purple hair. About Ranma's age, she was extremely cute but also looked extremely fierce with her fiery eyes, a tiger pelt two-piece, and a second spear held and pointed threateningly at the now wary travelers.

"Shei gan puo huai wo men zuxien de shui chuan?"

"What?" Ranma answered, not comprehending a single word.

"I do believe it's a Chinese dialect," Tofu offered helpfully. "Mandarin, and quite modern Mandarin, at that. Strange."

"Would you please just translate?" Ranma urged. "I don't think her words were to just say 'hello.'"

"Oh, of course. She said, 'Who dares defile our ancestral springs?'"

"Defile?" Ranma exclaimed, then gestured at her new flesh growths. "Who defiled who?"

"Uh, Ranma, I don't think the technicalities matter so much at this poi-"

Ranma pushed Tofu aside and stomped up to the brazen Amazon. "Look here. I don't care who you think you are but I do not appreciate being-"

"Hi-ya!" The girl thrusted her spear directly at Ranma's chest.

Ranma dodged the thrust fluidly without losing a step and knocked the spear out of the girl's hands.

"-turned into a FREAK!"

Face to face, nose to nose, the two girls' eyes met. The Chinese girl glared at Ranma defiantly.

"Ni yao zuo shen me jiou gan kuai zuo. Shei pa shei?" Her lips twitched dangerously.

"'Whatever you want to do, I suggest you do it quickly. Who's afraid of who, hotshot?' I, of course, embellished a bit, noting her body language and-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Ranma answered, eyes remaining on the Amazonian. "All right." She stepped back. "Let's have a little test, shall we?"

Guessing at what Ranma intended to suggest, Tofu interjected. "Ranma, I don't think you should. You're still not familiar in your new body and-"

"Wo yeng yuan shou zhe shui chuan, zhao zhu shian de yi si liu xia lai bao hu ta men. Ren he ren lai hui bei wo gan zo ... huo zhe da bai!"

"Basically, she says she's the guardian of the springs assigned by her ancestors to stay behind and prevent any intruders from defiling them, by force, if necessary."

But Tofu's words were already lost on the two brazen female warriors as with eyes locked, they circled each other in a hypnotic dance. One test jab here, another poke there, until with a primal cry, they clashed with fists, spear, and legs.

Tofu slowly dropped down on the banks in awe of the two ferocious combatants.

The Amazon obviously had been observing Ranma's discomfort of her new growths so was concentrating her attacks on the protrusions, using soft caressing strokes instead of the usual sharp jabs expected in such confrontations. And with each successful hit from the Amazon, Ranma felt a jolt of raw energy and emotion that made her groan in what could be almost considered ecstasy. At which only then would the Amazon switch to a sharp jab to the face or a sharp kick to the knees.

The first successful stroke had brought Ranma almost to her knees with the sudden surge of this foreign sensation. And the subsequent blow to the cheek had only served to fuel her anger at this brazen pelt-clad warrior woman. But Ranma's own blows too often fell short, forcing her to block the Amazon's counter-attack. Ranma's clothes felt looser on her, providing more drag on her punches and kicks. Her whole frame seemed shorter and proportioned differently from what she was used to. Only at this realization did Ranma gain a hint at what she had gotten herself into.

Damn, what the hell is this! Ranma fumed, as she ducked and jumped, jabbed and blocked. My body... These feelings... Ranma caught her breath at another stroke of annoying pleasure, opening herself to another near successful blow to the face, which she barely dodged. Ranma could feel her concentration slipping, the strokes and blows coming closer and hitting more frequently. Dammit! I'm a man! The martial artist's eyes turned red. And a man should beat any woman, any day, hands down!

Enraged at the weakness of her own flesh and ignoring the irony of her own words, Ranma renewed her attack, closing her distance, increasing the speed of her fists, sweeping her legs in more frenzied patterns against the Amazon's breasts, stomach, and crotch. But the increased frequency required more balance control which Ranma had yet to attain in her new form, and the constant adjustments were beginning to tire the martial artist's normally resilient stamina.

The Amazon did fall back, however, and seeing her attacks taking their toll on her wiry opponent, Ranma pressed her advantage and at the same time, pressed her luck, throwing herself off-balance, leaving herself open to the Amazon's downward jab onto her back, and falling to the ground with an unceremonious thump.

In disbelief, Ranma gaped at the haughty figure of the female warrior as she stood over Ranma in triumph and smirked at Ranma with thinly-veiled contempt. "Ren shu ba, tsainiao."

"Admit defeat, rookie," supplied Tofu helpfully.

Ranma's curse reverberated 'cross the whole island.

 

*****************

 

"That's funny, I thought I heard somebody screaming," said Akane.

"Must be one of the local monkeys," noted Ukyo from her makeshift grille. "Their screeching could drive anybody mad. I suggest you don't listen."

With a shrug, Akane turned back to her paperwork, namely an almanac, a calendar, and a navigation map. The weather patterns around their area had seemed fair so far and would continue to be fair for a few more weeks. That's good. Their specific area was unclear, but in the vicinity of the Phillipines was the best guess. Checking her calendar, Akane estimated they'd have two weeks to get the attention of a passing ship, before the cruise lines change routes.

A smell of fried batter and eggs brought Akane's attention back to the island and to Ukyo, who had just flipped over a nicely-cooking okonomiyaki.

"Want to try a bite, Akane-san?" Ukyo offered. "I took one of our remaining eggs and some of the fish we managed to catch earlier, mixed up with batter made out of coconut hair."

Akane blanched slightly at the thought of coconut hair as batter but the smell was enticing enough to make her overlook her discomfort and take a bite.

"Wow! This is delicious, Ukyo! Ranma would l-" Ranma would love this, she had almost said. Why? Whatever did she owe that gung-ho ninja whichever-arts-he-is dolt, anyway?

"You think so?" Ukyo exclaimed. "I was hoping Ranma would be back in time to try this, too. I know how much he likes my okonomiyaki." Ukyo's eyes shone with an affection that made Akane sick.

Akane scowled.

"What, grit? I'm sorry, sand just seems to come with the territory. We'll just have to live with it."

Akane sighed. "Yeah." Live with it, my foot, she muttered under her breath.

 

*****************

 

"She said 'My foot!'"

"Yeah, I can guess, Tofu," growled Ranma in dark satisfaction as she watched the Amazon hop on one leg, cursing under her breath, then glaring at Ranma in accusation.

Well, was it her fault that the wild girl had her foot in reach of Ranma's teeth?

Tofu stood up again and walked over to the two opponents who were now at a standoff. "Look, girls-"

"Who's a girl?" Ranma huffed.

"Alright, uh, ladies then." Ignoring Ranma's glare, Tofu continued. "This fighting is pointless. We have a mission to finish and we should not keep Kasu- Captain Tendo waiting."

Ranma smirked. I'll bet.

"Since we are foreigners to this island we should be courteous and express our apologies to-" Tofu turned to the Amazon. "What's your name, dear?"

"Zhong ShanPu," she replied smugly, as if the name was part of a well-known celebrity-class nomenclature.

"Express our apologies to ShanPu here and be on our way."

"Shampoo?" Ranma repeated the name incredulously. "I am not going to apologize to a hair product, no matter how much class she may think she has."

"Shampoo" tilted her head in curiosity at the manglement of her own name but said nothing.

Tofu glanced at the Amazon in surprise, not expecting her to accept an insult to her family-given name, but seeing no further reaction, Tofu gave Ranma a meaningful look and gestured toward the warrior woman with his head.

Ranma pouted but finally eeked out the word, "sorry." Sorry that I ever came to this place.

The Amazon nodded in acknowledgement and said nothing. Her stare began to unnerve Ranma, however, and the boy-turned-girl coughed a bit under the warrior woman's scrutiny. Taking up her bag where she had thrown it on the ground, Ranma walked past the Amazon without another glance, calling back to Tofu, "So, are you coming?"

Tofu bowed to the Amazon in deference and marched purposefully after Ranma, whistling a happy tune now that he was back on the path that would eventually lead him back to Kasumi.

ShanPu stared after the two travelers and mouthed a word, testing it with her lips and her tongue.

"Shampoo."

She grinned.

"Shampoo like name."


	2. Just by Happenstance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which an old man appears to give Ranma some "help".

Akane wiped a bead of sweat off her brow and took a deep breath of the salty sea air, feeling the freshness searing her lungs as if rejuvenating a long-dead organ. After sleeping in the same tent with Lady Kodachi's incense, any other air would have seemed like heaven.

Akane would have slept with Ukyo and Kasumi but the two had been trading recipes all night to the point where Akane could not stand to listen in the face of her own personal shame. 

Akane was a bad cook. 

Worse, she was not a bad cook who hated cooking. Akane was a bad cook with a love of the culinary arts, yet even the simplest mastery had escaped her. She wanted to cook but none of her dishes ever worked out right. Ukyo could make coconut hair taste heavenly. And what could Akane do? Poison her family to kingdom come, it seemed. 

She had taken to the seas to escape her shame as well as continue the family seafaring tradition, whether it be trade, pirating, or -- as with herself -- cruise and travel. But longing for a more down-to-earth home life had never left Akane. Without good cooking skills, however, it was hard to imagine how she could attract and keep a good husband. No man's stomach was going to appeased by her... 

Feeling refreshed after her jog around the perimeter of their camp, Akane lighted Ukyo's grille and placed a pot of coffee up to boil. Thank goodness the coffee ground wasn't soaked in the wreck. Akane wouldn't know what to do without her ritual caffeine boost. And thinking of boost, and considering she was going to be stuck on this island for awhile, it wouldn't hurt for her to refresh and improve her cooking skills. She's sure Kasumi and Ukyo may help her. A mutual partnership of the womanhood is needed to save her own future married life. 

"I'm going to be the best cook there ever was so that even Ranma would have to wipe that smirk off his smug mug!" 

Kasumi stepped out of her tent. "Akane, your coffee's charring." 

"erk" 

And somewhere else on the island, Ranma woke with a start to an extremely itchy nose. 

"Achoo! Did someone just talk about me?" 

 

*****************

Ranma's Island  
Chapter 2:  
Just by Happenstance  
by  
Wayens  
with story concept by Richard Lawson  
Ranma and characters owned by Rumiko Takahashi and Shogagukan Comics 

Shampoo tell of handsome hunk  
Who tries to survey land  
But when he found some ancient springs  
His plan got out of hand.  
His sexiness turned one eighty  
His chest grew two new lobes  
And he goes crazy every time  
He suffers others probes.

Meanwhile Akane and crew  
Prepare to leave the beach  
By sending smoke  
And setting stones  
By drawing maps and counting sheep.  
The days are long  
But the adventure's just starting now  
All on Ranma's Isle.

*****************

The morning air was crisp and clean, but Ranma hardly noticed as she trudged through the undergrowth, barely even caring where her feet were taking her. No matter where they went, her feet could not take her far enough away from Tofu's incessant stream of anecdotes. 

"Ranma, do you know, I do believe that the Amazon back there actually understood our language." 

"Yeah, great." 

"Which means, she must have had some contact with the outside before." 

"So?" 

"And could maybe lead us to others who could help us." 

"And what if those 'others' are dead?" 

"Astute observation, but maybe they left something behind for us to study so that we won't make the same mistakes they did." 

"Like fall into the natives' sacred springs?" Ranma grumbled. 

"Exactly!" Tofu enjoined without a blink. "And-" This time he paused. "How *is* the body by the way?" 

Ranma looked down at her breasts with annoyance but sighed in resignation, "I guess I'm stuck with this bod for a while. It's not so bad, really. I'm smaller and lighter, able to move quicker. But my kicks and punches don't feel as powerful. And these...things," she pointed to her breasts again, "are distracting, to say the least." 

"Ah, you'll get used to it." Tofu nodded knowingly. "All girls do when they go through puberty." 

"Peeyu-what? I know this stinks, Tofu, but you don't have to rub it in," Ranma grouched. "And who says I'm a girl, anyway?" 

"Your physical state," Tofu answered matter-of-factly. "Your mindset may still be boy Ranma but your body is definitely female. Tomboyish, true, but a girl, nevertheless." 

"Why you lame-ass ... doctor, you." Ranma stammered for more vituperative words but couldn't think of any. So, she pouted and sulked for a good mile before countering with a witty comeback. 

"Am not." 

*****************

"Am I not elegant in my grace, dear brother, and, oh, so beautiful, too, if I might add. Oh ho ho ho ho." 

"Yes, my dear Kodachi, you are stunning as ever. Now please leave the sea gulls alone so we may continue our wondrous stroll through paradise." 

Atop a nearby cliff, Akane and Ukyo looked on with mild amusement. 

"Oi, those Kunos make me wish I had a head of garlic," Akane said as she pinned up one end of the white cloth they salvaged from the sails. 

"Afraid they'll suck your blahd?" teased Ukyo from the other side of the cloth, also pinning. 

"No," said Akane as she watched the millionaires below walk along the sands, Tatewaki in manly strides, Kodachi in little leaps and pirouettes. "So I can keep away all men as boorish as Lord Tatewacky." 

Ukyo giggled and the two girls stepped back to admire they're handiwork. 

S.O.S was spelled in large black letters, shouting itself beyond the cliff across the vast ocean waters. 

"You think anyone would ever find us, Captain?" Ukyo inquired, 

Akane returned with lips set firm, "They have to. They will. It's just a matter of time..." 

"I wish Ranma were here," Ukyo sighed. 

Akane hmphed and walked back down towards camp. 

*I do too.* 

*****************

"Akane." Ranma shook her head. Why of all times, did her mind wander to Akane now? 

"... and here we have the lesser bird of paradise whose plumage was often craved by rich women and thus sought after by poachers. Due to the relative isolation of the area, this island's population has thrived despite the rest of the world's decline..." 

Oh, yeah. 

"Tofu-sensei, could you please talk about something else besides the animals and plants here? We're just to get an idea of the land and report back to bad-ass Akane." 

"But getting to know the local flora and fauna is just as important as gaining the lay of the basic topography. Why, " and he shows off a loaded plastic bag of leaves, "just now I've already found and gathered samples of some useful herbs we may use for cooking and medicine." 

Ranma stared at the professor for a moment and sighed, "Just don't give any to Akane, alright? She'd probably get the leaves mixed-up and give us all sleep sickness or something worse like that." 

Tofu stashed away his prized herbs and looked towards Ranma inquiringly. "Do you really have such a bad opinion of Captain Tendo, Saotome-kun? She seems to be doing a fine job of leading us so far." 

"Yeah," Ranma growled, "getting us shipwrecked is a great show of leadership, Professor, but, look, I wasn't talking about Akane's leadership or nothing. I'm just saying she's not handy with some stuff." 

"You mean cooking? Not all woman were made to be great cooks, you know. Not like Lady Kasumi, a paramour amongst the genteel. sigh" Fog condensed on Tofu's glasses causing him to entirely miss the sight of the tree directly in his path. 

Shaking his head half in disgust and half in amusement at Tofu's sprawled body, Ranma walked on ahead into a shady clearing patched with sunlight streaming from the openings in the forest canopy. 

Ranma looked around, "So should we break for lunch? I'm starving. Stomach's already growling." 

Tofu shuffled into the clearing adjusting his fog-cleared glasses nervously. "Uh, Ranma, I don't believe that was your stomach." 

"ROWR!" A furry blur streaked past Ranma, leaving behind a sharp gash in her side. If it weren't for Ranma's honed reflexes, there would have been more blood than a simple gash. As it was, she still felt a bit off with this new body and this new threat wasn't giving her time to adjust. 

The blur came again, swiping off another piece of Ranma's shirt. And then a piece of her pants. 

This was getting downright embarrassing. 

"Damn you!" Timing it as well as she could, judging by the past few attacks, Ranma swung her fist down for all it was worth and heard a satisfying KLONK as it deliciously reached its target. 

"An old man?" 

"WAHAHAHA! Very good. Verrrry good, little lady. I thought you had some nice moves but I never thought a dainty fine thing as you could beat the likes of me. HA! I guess the joke's on me. How about a kiss to make up?" 

GLOMP! 

Ranma stared at a third growth on her chest. A fur-clad old geezer now making itself a permanent addition to her "arsenal" nestled comfortably in her cleavage. 

"Ahhh, " the old man sighed as he rubbed his cheek against Ranma's still-newly-acquired bosom, "such mounds of perfection should not be enjoyed only by your lonesome. It should be shared-" 

KLONK! 

"What the hell did you think you were doing, you old fart! Who are you!" 

"Ranma, I think we should calm down and settle this reas-" 

"Shut up, Tofu! For once let me let off some steam here. Looks like this old guy can take it, right, old man? You're a tough old prune." 

"Prune? Is that all you can say about the greatest martial artist of the world?" 

"So far you've only shown yourself to be the greatest pervert in the world." 

"Haha!" the old man cackled. "That too. For my school, it's Anything Goes!" GLOMP! 

"Get OFF of me!" With Herculean strength, Ranma pried the old man off her chest and punted him right through the forest canopy. 

Ranma smirked. "That'll show him." 

"Ohhhh! What kind of maiden wears boxer shorts as her wear-dujour? Whatever happened to sexy and cute panty wear?" 

"Get your paws out of my pants!" 

*****************

After the fuss died down, the old pervert revealed himself to be Anything Goes School martial arts master Happosai Genki who had shipwrecked on this island same as them but for more personal crime-related reasons than cruising the seas. 

"You might say I was a wanted man. In high demand. By the law, that is. If only it were the babes, you know? Then life would have been beautiful. There are so few luscious curves to be found here. And I can't seem to get off this damned place. But now that you're here, we can have some fun together, no?" 

GLOMP! 

This was definitely getting tiring. 

"Look, for now, old fart, we're in the same boat. We both want to get off this damned hellhole and we both want to get off of here soon. Why-" 

"-don't we join forces and enter Temptation Island? Why I'd love to. But what would the old Prof here do for fun while we're going at it?" Happosai's evil leer made evident what he meant by "it". 

"Now, see here, Master Genki. I-" 

"Tofu's not going to do anything with either of us and neither are we going to have anything to do with each other except a mutual collab- Collabra- A mutual partnership." 

"Ah, but that would mean mutual consent, would it not, Ranma-chan?" The gleam in the geezer's eyes sent a chill down Ranma's spine. "When did I ever say I wanted to get off this island now that we have you here? If you want my help, you'd have to offer much more than that." He leered. "Or I might not share my wonderful bounty with you."

To be continued in same chapter.


End file.
